Life can be wonderful but sometimes it can throw something at you that leaves you wanting to escape from reality for a while. Whether it’s a practical concern or an emotional problem, there are times when everyone needs a soft place to fall.
As a mother, it’s something that I accept without question for my children – if they hurt themselves, if they have a fall-out with a best friend, if they don’t get the grade they wanted in an exam – I’m there to hug, hold, soothe and encourage.
I do it without hesitation and for as long as required, for the knowledge that I am their soft place to fall is as beneficial to me as it is to them. They are loved, wanted and needed. And so am I.
In an ideal world everyone would grow up feeling secure and safe even when things went wrong, but many don’t. I was one of them. A nightmare of a childhood left me searching for anything that would numb the memories and take away the pain. Alcohol became my soft place to fall, or my ‘hurt healer’ as I called it. It worked for a while but soon the drink turned from friend to foe and I was forced to make a choice between ‘addiction and death’ or ‘sobriety and life’.
The thought of losing the security of alcohol and having to join the real world was terrifying. Emotionally immature and fearful of the real world, my worry was ‘Who’s going to catch me if I fall?” In fact by that stage I was physically, psychologically and spiritually bankrupt and there was nowhere to fall to!
To get up and stay up though I had to find another sanctuary that would fill the void of alcoholism. As the slow process of self acceptance began, I found that it was possible to be my own soft place to fall. No longer was I constantly critical and judgemental. Instead I chose to view myself with compassion and empathy. And as I started to trust myself so came a trust in others. Today, I can reach out to my husband, daughters and good friends to give me a hug, listen to me, and reassure me that they are there for me.
A soft place to fall doesn’t even have to be a person. For me sometimes just listening to some tranquil music,relaxing in a bubble bath, going for a quiet walk, enjoying the fragrance of the garden, reading a comforting book, a short time of prayer or reflective thought can all have the same nurturing effect. 
Life will always have ups and downs, celebrations and disappointments, miracle moments and tragedies. So when times get tough it’s always good to have a soft place to fall.
Top image: Love is a soft place to fall by Amanda Cass http://www.redbubble.com/people/theartoflove/works/5024121-love-is-a-soft-place-to-fall
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Beautiful! Thank you. Discovering your blog was one of the great things about my day. Though I think I need to work on my soft places a bit. *sigh*
What a lovely comment Barbara! Thank you! Yes you do need some soft places to fall. Be kind to yourself
Hi Carolyn,
We all do need a soft place to fall. My daughter who is 27 called yesterday, because she was stuck in parking garage blocking people because her car had broken down. Yes, she could have handled it all herself, and I was an hour away, so could only help by phone. But when you are in those stressful situations, it’s nice to have someone to help think through your next steps and get things back on track. Great reminder!
That’s a great story which shows needing a soft place to fall has nothing to do with age or ability to do something, it’s the knowledge that someone is there for us for support.
Great article! We all certainly need a soft place to fall and sometimes have to be that for others. This is a great reminder of what’s required of us just in being human and being part of society. We can’t close ourselves off because 1) we need others and 2) they need us!
That’s very true Jessica! We all need to be a soft place for each other!
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Thanks for sharing and your regular Twitter support! You are very much appreciated
What an HONEST look into your life. This is so helpful to understanding addictions. “To get up and stay up though I had to find another sanctuary that would fill the void of alcoholism. As the slow process of self acceptance began, I found that it was possible to be my own soft place to fall,” Really profound.
Thanks for being REAL!
Thank you Jenny for such encouraging comments. Honesty and keeping it real come with the freedom of sobriety and it is such a blessing to be able to share openly instead of hiding myself behind alcohol.
What a wonderful article! I love the term ‘soft place to fall’ ! Brilliant and when you think about it we are all equipped with our very own soft place right inside our own heart and soul when we learn to truly love and value ourselves…so if we fall and no one is there on the outside, we can give ourselves an inner hug to get us through!
So glad you enjoyed the article Denny and I love your description of being able to give ourselves an inner hug
Worship music helps me to fall into the arms of the Father. It creates an atmosphere of surrender and wonder…all at the same time. Great article Carolyn!
Thank you Claudia! Music that creates the right atmosphere can make us feel so good!
Carolyn….I have never heard the phrase ‘a soft place to fall’. It is soothing, nurturing, and makes me feel like I want to jump into this mound of love. As always, thanks for sharing your story and thoughts.
What a lovely comment ‘jump into this mound of love’ because that describes a soft place to fall perfectly!
Music has always been my fall back when things go awry. I find myself listening to the soothing notes, rather than those pesky voices in my head. Thanks for sharing….
Thanks for your comments Mary. I love to listen to music myself!
What a nice thought. I need to fall into a nice pillowy hug! LOL
Totally agree with you Sally, a nice pillowy hug is the best!
You write the best posts Carolyn! I love your idea of a “soft place to fall.” For me that would be spending time outside, or disappearing into a good book.
Well what a fabulous comment Helena. Thank you
Great post Carolyn, my soft place to fall or at least to clear my mind is driving by myself, the open road really helps me. When something happens that makes me feel bad, I play I can take on the world music. I know he isn’t the greatest of role models but Eminen’s song “Lose Yourself”, really inspires me to get up when I fall.
Thanks for commenting Karla! Love your share of song lyrics as an inspiration. Doesn’t matter who sings them as they as they hit right spot for you
Great article, Carolyn! I loved how you spoke about creating that soft place for yourself. It so important to develop this skill, doing things to fill you up. Thanks!
Thanks for your encouraging comments Lisa. I like your point about it being a skill. I’ve never thought of it like that!
Love this
I meditate and spend time in nature 
Glad you love it Anita! Mediation and nature are both favourites of mine too
I love the phrase, a soft place to fall. Like others here, mine is the natural environment. I was struck that you had to deal with ‘critical and judgemental attitudes’ when releasing your addiction; it reminded me of a book someone’s just recommended to me by Marion Woodman in which she apparently explores addiction in relation to perfectionism… interesting idea
Thanks for your comments Jenny, they are always appreciated! I think the judgement and criticism I faced isn’t uncommon to those overcoming addiction or depression as there can be the underlying belief that they can be overcome by willing power and that somehow we just need to get over it. I was also surprised at some friends reaction to me as I recovered, in that they seemed threatened by my ability to take control and make positive changes. It was a lot easier to see me as ‘the sick friend’.
Have just looked up Marion Woodman’s book and it looks like a very interesting read!
Carolyn, you gave me pause … I lost my parents at such an early age that I had to be my own “place to fall,” even if it wasn’t always so soft. You gave me a reason to think back on how that has evolved. Thanks for the journey!
So sorry Sharon to hear of your loss at such a young age. Being your own soft place to fall is a tough call when you’re small. Great that you have evolved from your journey into such an inspirational and strong woman!
What a great way to put it “a soft place to fall”. You write so well Carolyn, when is your book coming out?
Thanks Sherry! Will let you know as soon as the book is available
I love the idea of a “soft place to fall.” Such a kind and gentle concept that goes well with viewing yourself with compassion and empathy! I think many people view themselves harshly.
Glad you love the idea of a ‘soft place to fall’ Susan! Thanks for your comments. They are appreciated!
What a beautiful post, and written out so well. =)
Thank you for your kind comments Jamie!
WE al need that soft place to fall. Oh my what would I do without it; ti is something that I don’t want to leave home without that in my mind. We need to know that our family or our best friends that are backing us up no matter what!! Thanks!
Thank you for your comments Olga! You make a good point when you say ‘what would we do without it’ because it’s when people feel that they have no where to turn to that brings emotional difficulties.
Beautiful post Carolyn! I feel lucky that my husband is my soft place to fall. His unconditional love and support mean the world to me!
Great to hear that you have a wonderful soft place in your life Mandy! Thank you for your encouraging comments!
Carolyn, I love that you said ” Instead I chose to view myself with compassion and empathy”….so awesome! What a beautiful post…we all need a soft place to fall.
Sherie we all need to cut ourselves some slack sometimes! Thank you for you kind comments!
That is a beautiful and inspirational. x
Thanks Carole. Lovely of you to stop by and read my post
I used tobacco and caffeine by the tons to make my life easier to deal with. After I gave them up it’s been interesting finding my way to soften the blows and learning to calm remain calm without my old stand by. One one thing I did notice.. I feel physically better and wake feeling rested ..My days starts so much better and The bad moments are less stressful since my body feels better!..;)
Great that you felt so physically different once you gave up tobacco and caffeine. It’s an interesting point that if the mind is relaxed then the body can follow and vice versa!
Yes, it’s wonderful when the home is the safe and warm place to fall. I’ve been blessed in my life and your posts always make me more aware of my own gratitudes. Thanks!
That’s good to know Martha. Thanks for your support!
Carolyn your story is inspiring. Thank you for sharing it. No matter the age, a soft place to fall is so critical. I think as adults we forget to find that place. Thanks for the reminder.
I’m glad you like the reminder Gretchen! Love you comment that it doesn’t matter what age we are, we still all need that soft place.
This is beautiful, Carolyn. My soft place to fall is anything outdoors, alone, in nature — I have a favorite park with winding trails and tall redwoods — one of my all-time favorites where I hike to my heart’s content, letting my mind wander – focus on nature – wander – focus on some part of my surroundings – wander…. I also find my ipod provides a soft place to fall because sometimes I don’t want to be alone in my head with my thoughts, so having a variety of music to take me away can be so soothing and buy me the time I need to be ready to face the thought(s) that for whatever reason have hijacked and unsettled my peace of mind.
I love the outdoors too Lisa! So relaxing as you say to let your mind wander. And I like what you say about not wanting to be alone with an unsettled mind because sometimes it helps to be distracted for a while and that is just the break we need.
Wonderful article, Carolyn!
“Instead I chose to view myself with compassion and empathy.” It’s good to be gentle and kind with ourselves. Thanks for sharing, Carolyn.
Thanks Marianne. It’s important to be kind to ourselves and not just everyone else!
You’re right. When I think about it, it we do not know how to be kind to ourselves, how can we know how to be kind to others?
Thank you for stopping by to read my post Angela and for your comments. They are appreciated!
Great Article. Meditation is one of my key to keep myself centered.
Thank you Carele. Totally agree that meditating is a great way to keep focused.